A Thai Rant

My transition blog

2006-08-06T18:56:00.000+07:00

That's right it's not the end, it's a transition.

So, we're living in Brisbane. 37 to 21 degrees, spicy green papaw salad to mushroom risotto, Thai to English, monoculture to multiculture and motorbike to car. It's hard to imagine what that transition was like for Lit. It was just coming home for me, but for Lit it was discovering a new one.

It's hard to write a blog on coming home. It just doesn't have that exotic element to it. So I'll do a quick week in review, then move on.

Lit is studying English 3 mornings a week for free. It's a pretty good deal. She's meeting some new friends, Thai ironically, and rapidly improving her English. She's also practicing Thai massage from a room downstairs in the house. So far only a couple proper paying clients, mostly family other than that, but it should come along nicely. We've been climbing, bouldering, mt biking, coffee drinking, footy going and family visiting. Lit's also made some good Australian friends, Nick, Sam when we see him and Oscar virtually inseparable when we see him.

Foods intersting. I'm officially not allowed to cook because it's tasteless. I'm not sure whether this is a good or bad thing at the moment. Lit's found a Thai shop which is helping with food homesickness but otherwise Mum's food is holding up with a little extra fish sauce.

Missing the toilet hose we had in Thailand. Toilet paper alone just doesn't cut it.

Culture's great but a little hard on the ego. Nobody looks at us anymore. Lit loves this, that was one of the worst problems with being in Thailand, we were different and everybody noticed it. Here we're different but that's normal. I don't get 'wowed' at when walking down the street anymore, but I think I'll survive.

As for myself. This is the next transition. This blog finishes here (well in a couple of lines). I'm now learning my way into the property development industry. It's exciting, confusing and frustrating but I have 2+ years worth of ideas waiting to be put into practice and a whole lot more to discover. Which is what my next blog will be about. Only problem is I don't know what to call it. I'm thinking eco-effective design, architecture, climate change, new initiatives, new thinkers, and how that's all happening in Brisbane. Anyone got a name for this new blog? Please... Pretty Please.........

(Sorry I lied, there'll be one more blog to let you know my new blog's address and Lit's too for that matter)

Pics

2006-08-06T18:10:00.000+07:00

Getting High Doing Lines In The Sky

2006-05-15T14:34:00.000+07:00

Motorbike, train, taxis, train, taxis, bus, taxis, bus, taxi, boat, and we're in northern Laos. Shut up in a room with a view of Thailand and the phone rings. If I said I had the premonition "What if it was the embassy?", would you believe me? Regardless, it was indeed our case officer and Lit could pick up her new visa. A day later and we would be out of phone contact for up to a month. It was time for a beer.

WHAT!?

Given the years of waiting I think a Beer Lao wasn't out of the question. It actually tasted 'drinkable' until the ice melted. It got a little warm and 'undrinkable' a little too quickly after that (I don't think Steve wanted me to mention ice in his beer - I believe "What happens in Laos stays in Laos" was uttered. Doesn't stop me mentioning his ice in beer in Thailand though!).

Side note to those non-teetotalers out there: Beer Laos is generally considered a superior beer (with almost a cult worship of foreigners stocking up on merchandise and liver damage while they can). However, it is illegal to import it into Thailand. The richest man in Thailand, being the owner of the worst but most popular beer in Thailand, might have something to do with that.

Back to the more superior story: Lit now has her visa, our flights are booked and Lit's half packed already. That leaves me time to write about my (our) first true conservation exercise. It's called the "Gibbon Experience", costs $180 a head for 2 nights, is advertised only through word-of-mouth, needs to be booked months ahead and is run by volunteers.

Basically they took two carloads (8 + 8) along a dusty/muddy road for 2 hours and told us to leave our big bags with a roadside restaurant. Another hour on fair-dinkum (just practicing) 4wd roads took us to a small village. It's here that I started to feel like these guys thought about the environment. It was the first time I'd eaten something in asia not wrapped in plastic. It was a guiltless feeling to be able to throw the banana leaf that wrapped my baguette onto the ground. From here we walked to the 'kitchen' for about an hour. We had a couple of bottles of water, a torch, a camera, and a few clothes in our backpacks, nothing else. We didn't actually know it was a kitchen (they didn't tell you much without you asking first), it looked more like an animal refuge. The first was a young macaque monkey at the entrance. The next was a four month old asiatic black bear biting everything it could. What a blast, and we hadn't even seen the tree-houses yet.

A 5 minute walk took us to the first cable. We put on our harnesses given 5 words of English instruction from a local guide (still learning) and sent Lit, the fearless penguin, zipping out to tree-house no.1. It was here, ~40m up sitting in a luxurious strangler fig that we got the low down. We were first told how to put on our harnesses, just in case you got it wrong when you cabled out, then explained why this place existed: It's primarily a conservation exercise. It aims to protect the Bokeo Reserve (pretty big) from poachers and all that nasty stuff. The money goes of course into the construction and upkeep, but more importantly, to pay local guides and local forest guards. It started as private/volunteer enterprise. A French dude built the tree-houses and cables connecting them to raise money for forest protection. Eco-tourism at it's finest. The future may see it being handed over to the Laos Gov't.

There were 2 groups of 8. Ours, the 1st to arrive would split into 2 groups of 4. We were the whttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifaterfall experience. Steve, Lit, an American couple, myself, our 16 year old guide and the baby monkey took off on a 4 hour walk to tree-house no.4. It was a long walk made short with monkey antics. The monkey, otherwise known as 'monkey', bounded from head to head to tree branch to backpack. Oh to be a monkey! There was of course lots of cabling on the way. They cooked us some food, we had a little swim, cabled to our tree-house, ate and felt the breeze sway the tree. We hoped that this wasn't going to happen. A few of us took a little night cable: taking a head torch and pulling yourself slowly out the 'in-cable' into darkness 50m above the ground, watching the fireflies and just generally giving ourselves a good scare. (There is an in and an out cable, don't want to take out any unsuspecting gibbons in the dark).

The monkey said hello in the morning in ways only monkeys can do. We walked 4 hours back to the the closer tree-houses and just chilled. The 2nd night had us sleeping with a snake and mouse in the roof. But I officially submit this as the best toilet/bathroom in the world - tree-house no.3 a long way from anywhere, Laos. Did I mention this place had running water, a kitchen sink and even proper coffee?

The following morning we got in a bunch of cabling, met with the other group of 8 (they didn't walk anywhere - just had 'freetime' ) and said goodbye to monkey and bear before heading home.

I thoroughly recommend. They are currently building tree-house no.5 which is 60m above ground.

The rest of Laos has it's fair share of unique beauty but it just doesn't warrant me rambling for another 1,000 words.

See some of you soon and others later.

Oh, we didn't see any gibbons, but their beautiful songs woke us on the 2nd morning.

Photos

Movies:
Cabling in Laos on the Gibbon Experience
Monkey Preening Dan
Bear attacks monkey
Monkey Jumping in the Water
Monkey Swimming
Lit's First Cable
Steve Cabling Out
Baby Bear Climbing
Jumping White things

An Athiest in a Temple - Part 2

2006-04-14T10:17:00.000+07:00

The Sumano Cave Temple. Steve, Lit and myself left for the temple after breakfast at the only cafe in town. My guts were, well, rotten. I almost stayed home. Steve was impatiently waiting for me to get out of bed at the promised time of 7 am. When I failed this task Steve caved in. He bought a single cigarette, so much for giving up smoking. Maybe the temple would be a better environment for giving up his closest companion. Lit was feeling a little nervous. She had a cut on the soul of her foot, but other than that she was o.k.

Sumano Cave Temple holds 2 meditation retreats a year. The deal:
1) Your wear white
2) You eat vegetarian (they provide)
3) Segregated sexes
4) No talking at all
5) You stay 7 days (they seemed pretty strict on this but I heard of people leaving sooner)
5) You wake up at 3:30 am
6) No smoking, drinking etc
7) You sleep in a dormitory on a marble floor with no matting.
8) No English instruction was available
9) It was free (donations were expected though)
10) You meditate by focusing on your actions (there are 40 different types of meditation in Buddhism, this is just one). You meditate on walking, sitting and eating. You must try and become aware of everything you are doing and why you are doing it.

The 'check-in' nuns were a bit surprised we were there. They told us there would be no English, and it would be VERY HARD. It almost seemed like they didn't want us there.

"ok, no problem" we said
"WOW" they said

So we all headed over to the men's dorm and found ourselves a bamboo woven mat and pillow. (Lit would find hers after we were settled). There would be no meditation the first day just signing in. So we took a wonder through some of the caves. Very very calm. That is everybody else looked calm, not us. Steve was tremoring from withdrawals, Lit was cleaning bat poo off her cut foot and wondering how much all this walking meditation would hurt and I was already getting bored, oh and stomach cramps. Luckily one of my old students walked past. I told her Steve was scared (actually meaning myself). She got worried and tried to reassure us. She introduced us to her cousin, Coconut. I thought her appearance might make our thoughts of departure a bit shameful. It didn't. We ran. Steve caved first but it didn't take long for me to follow him to our bags. It just didn't look FUN. and that's all the justification I'm giving.

We decided to do something a little more exciting. So we drove over 2 hours on our motorbikes in 37 degree heat to a nearby city, Hatyai. We saw an awful movie "Ultraviolet", watched a not-too-bad Thai band play western classics, had a hot shower (it's a rarity) and went to sleep watching guys climb big walls on cable T.V (also a rarity). On the way back we went skinny dipping in a beautiful waterfall (just kidding, I'm not that much fun) and told some dude to pick up his rubbish when he threw it into the waterfall (yeah that sounds more like me).

We finished off our stint at the temple with a trip to a remote island paradise - Koh Lipeh. Snorkeling, eating lobsters and giant prawns, and getting sunburnt through our 50+ sunscreen. I'll let some photos do the rest of the talking.

(Oh and am irrelevent video to this post but relevent nonetheless)

A Buddhist Thing - Part 1

2006-04-06T18:04:00.000+07:00

Apparently my last few blogs were a little common. Common as in the same news that you read everyday in the newspaper - NEGATIVE. (Must have written them before I got the latest ODE subscription).

So here it goes, I'll try to mind my sarcasm and broaden my perspective.

Another tick on my list of 'I never thought I'd do that'. A monk PAID me to teach him English. I might need to explain - Monks here collect food and necessities at sunrise to live, they have no salary. It's not begging, it's offering a person an opportunity to make merit. Without being too cynical; fewer monks are signing up these days to wear the cliched 'beautiful saffron' robes. However, the ones who do can quite often end up with more than just rice in their bowls. i've heard of monks with PDA's, Rolexes and even Mercedes before. But I want to talk (mostly) about the positive tidbits and get away from the depressing hypocrisy of it all.

Speaking of depression, it's not ok! Neither is happiness! Neither love nor hate. Pick an emotion, any emotion, they're all defilements, all ~1500 of them (and 108 cravings). The goal is zero your mind: the middle path.

Me:         "So how many defilements are you up to?"
Monk:        (Blank stare leading to...) "ha ha ha" (Oh O - "happiness" - woops)

He told me once that he used to question his Christian Sunday School teacher about creation so I figured I could politely question him about Buddhism and he'd understand.

Me:               "So what about being rich?"
Monk:        "No"
Me:               "Poor?"
Monk:         "No"
Me:               "But Monks are poor?"
Monk:        "... They have enough"

This guy was pretty bright, reads the English newspaper everyday. He probably had the best vocabulary of any Thai I'd met. The only problem was his listening and speaking. He had the language down on paper, he just hadn't practiced with English speakers. That's what I was for, paid conversation.

Monk:        "What does 'IQ' stand for?"
Me:               "Intelligence Quotient. Quotient is like a ratio, the first IQ tests were a ratio of..."
Monk:        "Do you know 'EQ' or 'MQ'?"
Me:        "Guessing - EQ is emotional but I don't know MQ"
Monk:         "Moral"

He was teaching me. He explained that morality is a new concept in Thailand at the moment. The Prime Minister, Thaksin Shiniwatra, has shown people what immorality is. He was curious that I didn't know this from psychology. I attempted to discuss Kholberg's theory of Moral Development and show him that we did cover a little about the processes of moral thought, but he wasn't interested. I posed a classic moral dilemma, but he just wanted to tell me about the precepts:

1) Don't kill        (You can eat meat as long as YOU don't kill personally)
2) Don't steal
3) Don't cheat on your partner
4) Don't drink whiskey or do drugs (Smoking IS ok)
5) Don't lie

There's 5 precepts for commoners, 8 for nuns, 10 for novice monks, 271 for monks (male only) and 317 for female monks in Taiwan. No reason, Thai people just don't accept female monks. They can still reach nirvana they just can't get onto the 'highway' they have to navigate without GPS.

You have to start with morality. Once you've mastered this, it's emotional, you have to meditate. There are 40 different ways, but different strokes for different folks, if you're 'hot hearted' number 13. To do this you need IQ, the last step.

Fascinating. It's such a different religion to Christianity or Islam. How can you be a fundamentalist Buddhist. Isn't being fundamentally middle path an oxymoron?

"But the Dalai Lama writes books about happiness" I queried. He had thought about this. For one, it's a different branch of Buddhism. Two, sometimes you have to go forwards to go back (to the middle).

Remember boredom is negative, excitement is positive, they're both off track.

A Question:
Is belief in something, anything, better than the middle path? If we are all devout in our beliefs, are we better off than striving for the ultimate balance of zero mindedness? After all, our beliefs are always right. Hitler thought he was right, so did the protector of the stolen generation, Little and Big Bush, Osama, You, and even humble old Me.

Another Question:
What if Iraqis and Americans were Buddhist?

---> ---> --->

Part 2 - An Agnostic in a Temple

P.S. I think his mother was paying me, a chance for her to make merit.

My Angry Angry Letter

2006-03-29T09:49:00.001+07:00

Following is a letter I wrote to a few officials complaining about our immigration experience.

(the VFS is an Embassy contracted service to collect visa applications and help with queries.)

To whom it may concern

I am writing to raise some problems we have experienced on contact with the Australian Embassy and particularly the VFS during our preparation for my wife's visa. During our communications with these departments we have found the information provided to us inaccurate and inconsistent to the expense of our time and money.

Earlier on in our relationship my wife applied for a student visa to Australia on the 16th of June 2004. The Embassy website explicitly stated that processing time varied from 5 to 10 working days depending on whether it was peak season or not. We waited for for approximately 2 and a half months to receive a refusal. During the process no indication of progress was offered after repeated inquiries. This was extremely costly as my wife was living out of her suitcase at the time in a hotel waiting for an answer.

Before we applied for our marriage visa we attempted to submit a spouse de-facto application. When enquiring with VFS we encountered much misinformation and contradiction. When we asked if a single certificate was necessary (on 2 separate occasions - Thai and English) we were told incorrectly that it was. This cost us time and money to obtain this unnecessary document because a trip back to my wife's hometown was required.

Before attempting to submit our application we asked if it was possible to book and interview, and/or submit our application at the same time, as we live in Trang and travel is inconvenient. The VFS told us this was not possible. However, a close friend, who is now undergoing the same process was told by Pathaya Pibulvech-Brown (coincidentally our case officer now) that he and his wife could submit their application at the interview to save on unnecessary travel. This cost us another unnecessary trip to Bangkok.

When we applied for my wife's police clearance certificate we learnt that it would take 7 working days to complete. As we live in Trang and the travel time and expense of making trips to Bangkok is expensive, we called the VFS to ask if it was possible to submit our application now and the police clearance at the interview. The VFS employee confirmed his advice while we were on the phone, they told us this was not a problem. When we arrived at the VFS to submit our application we were treated rudely and told that we couldn't do this. Before the lady abruptly informed us of this, she spent a good 5 minutes asking around for the meaning of 'de-facto' and asked us why we were applying for this class of visa. Something she should already have known, perhaps!

During our preparation for the visa we often asked friends for advice. One piece of information we received led us to believe that a case officer can certify or confirm a correct translation. To verify this we once again contacted the VFS. We were told that a stamp from the Thai Ministry was required to certify the translation. We were also given this advice from 2 private translation companies (which I understand are not under your control) and a translator at the Thai Ministry itself. I mention this because it demonstrates that we were not the only people under the impression this stamp was required. Once again, my previously mentioned friend, called the Embassy (not the VFS) and was told this stamp was not necessary. This is a clear contradiction of the information from the VFS and Embassy staff. A Thai Ministry stamp costs approximately 400 baht a piece and takes two days. We submitted 6 stamped documents which also cost us extra travel and accommodation expenses unnecessarily.

On looking back at the extra expense and heartache involved in the unnecessary trips to and from Bangkok, accommodation, interference with work, wasted time, separation from each other and rudely presented misinformation from the VFS we are APPALLED. We request compensation and an investigation into these issues. We are not the only people finding our way through this maze of misinformation. I understand and sympathize with the rigours and demands of applying for this visa, yet it does not have to be unnecessarily complicated and misleading. So far our experience with immigration has been more than unpleasant. I do hope that my wife's visa will be processed with much more professionalism and speed in making up for time and expense already lost.

Yours Faithfully,

Daniel & Kannika Farquhar

Time's Up

2006-03-16T08:11:00.000+07:00

School here exists now only as a place to sign in. The students have all been tested and left the prison some people call a school. (Oh don't worry I still believe this school is pretty crash hot, it's just the ratio of concrete to greenery I'm referring too). Days here now are topping 37˚with nights not dipping too much below that. But what passed before my boredom set in?

Bored, you ask? Yes, school's finished but I still desire that wad of 1,000 baht notes at the end of the month, so I'm signing in and returning home before the bike seat gets too hot. As a result I'm restless, travel's limited to the local waterfalls, it takes a good 2 hours to cool down after running with an ambient temperature equal to your own and food's only tasty until you're full.

But away from the exigencies of excessive heat and back to the times worthy of a Thai rant. Yes that was a big word - as I said schools finished so I'm hitting the books, it just happens Stephen Fry was next on the pile. Back to Trang nightlife. There have been two 'opening nights' to attend, a local farang food hangout and the Malek bar. The local farang joint I'll just pass right over (some of us are upholding an ideological boycott) and hit the Malek bar. It was actually a pretty cool party considering the road had been closed for all the monster, 'Harley-yeah-right' engines with wheels and the specious biker gangs downing beer Chang. For starters we arrived with a few blondes (Lit was in Bangkok - and no, it's not like that) so we got plenty of warm welcomes, or at least they did. There was a ten piece band (didigeridoo incl.) that was jamming some danceable reggae, plenty of unique and completely impractical bikes to discuss, a gypsy to pour beer over your head and a conga line of cowboys that arrived on choppers wearing leather that enjoy jiving to Bob Marly covers. I don't think there's much more to say about that. We left soon after the drunken burnout competition started and spent a whopping ten minutes at the worst disco known to man (women too I imagine).

What else, oh I've started writing letters and uttering some Thai sounding noises around at places that like to burn their rubbish on the side of the road.

Drama at the boarding house. To not use names or make the story too descriptive, a student (one of mine) called his parents complaining about his side of a problem. The parents on a Saturday night arrived with 2 cars of "colleagues" in tow, DRUNK and LOADED (yes in the literal sense - A GUN). The guard kept them at bay while a teacher attempted to call the director or deputy. The first turned his phone off and the later didn't answer. Alcohol to the rescue though, another teacher offered to take the father for a drink and a chat. They left soon after and the teacher previously in the sights was safe.

Analysis:

The problem to start all problems was not dealt with 3 years ago when it was first reported to the assistant director (i.e consultation with parents).

Influential parents are scary! Who's to say the cops would be on the school's side?

Directors should take responsibility and take serious disciplinary steps before things get out of hand and not cower for fear of bad media (or possibly the lure or loss of $$).

Some teachers are still scared for their safety and the student in question is unnecessarily facing difficult and confusing times (banned from the boarding house but needs to come to school to finish his finals).

I must say though, I'm impressed with the integrity of many of the teachers when faced with influential parent pressure (incl. $$). But the bury your head under the sand thing is too common here (especially in leadership positions) - things don't always just blow over, sometimes they blow up.

By the way ostriches don't actually bury their head under the sand in fear. It's a myth.

Oh I have my first ever stalker.

And having now been to a Thai wedding and funeral, I must say funerals have the celebratory edge. A wedding reception here consists of eating your fill, leaving your monetary gift inside a pink envelope and leaving all within the space of half an hour. A funeral on the other hand...

Well back to my book full of archaic nouns.

My grade 9 farewell video - A highly recommended viewing (if I do say so myself).

And some more photos.

Until next the next blog - "But teacher they don't have bridge of the nose" - cheerio.

They're gone

2006-02-15T08:04:00.000+07:00

My grade 12s have gone!

But first my grade 9s. One of my Students, May, has written herself a novel and had it published. A story about a Thai girl's wanderings in Australia has managed to get her $1,200 plus $1 a royalty for every book sold. Not bad considering the exchange rate (that puts it at more than 1 months salary for me). It's amazing and it makes me proud to be one of her teachers but it does make me ponder the quality of literature coming released here for a 14 year old to make it big. She used a pseudonym.

...

My Grade 12s have left. It's been an interesting last semester. Teaching had been getting less stressful which either meant I had been getting into the swing of things or alternatively I was losing my creative umph. I do hope it's been the former. I hadn't had one class with full attendance this semester, it'd been one continuous exam. But from what I can gather, it'd been more to do with Thailand's lack of centralized testing for university entrance then my bad breath. There had been student after student taking the night train to the big smoke (oh how apt) to do their entrance exams for university. Each student may have made at least 2 trips and consequently at least 2 catch up exams after school. They had impressed though, two students received full scholarships to study medicine and one to study law at the best uni's here. I believe most will get into their university of preference which will probably win us the best school in the south award again, two years running.

I never was that upset when I left school - maybe I didn't fit in well enough or something, but it's been a little different this time around. 80% are borders who have come from different provinces. They have spent 6 years living together. Come Saturday morning and they are off to Bangkok or back home - just like that.

3rd last lesson I played some cheesy Thai pop music and let them create some posters. I told them to write about "what you left behind". I was flattered with what they left behind - I would have liked to bring them home, photos will have to do.

2nd last lesson was their final speaking presentations. Pairs in 1.5 minutes had to role-play a "pick up line/first date". I brought in my SLR, but wish I had a video camera instead. It was without a doubt some of the funniest stuff I have ever seen. You know when you get laughing, your stomachs aching, your almost on the floor but you just can't stop...

Last lesson - pressure was on. I chose two songs, Ben Lee - 'We're All' In This Together & Coldplay - 'The Scientist'. First I made flashcards of each line from 'The Scientist' and gave one to each student. After a few repeats we were all in a circle. Next we sang it together. I then gave them a handout with the lyrics for both songs. 'The Scientist' was a sad song so next was, Ben Lee. I played it just once and let them sing along to themselves. I didn't bother with definitions, or grammar - they got the gist. They had never heard the songs before but I think they appreciated them - I saw a few red eyes at that stage. The night before I had made them a video with these two songs and the photos I took the previous lesson. I played this next. I called them all up close and cranked the volume. I strategically chose an observers seat towards the back. The photos finished but I let the song continue (They're powerful songs, time was needed for them to compose, and just between us I needed the time as well). I gave a few copies to the class and was then lost for words. I was thinking they might be a little sad but I didn't think the boys would be crying. I did manage to mumble something about 'goodbye it's been great....' I don't know how much they understood. Next - PHOTOS - talk about posers.

Friday night there was a party to celebrate their departure. It's was a pretty big affair. A buffet for all 1,200 students plus teachers and some family at 6 p.m. At 7 p.m. a bunch of the teachers got on stage and let loose. As soon as they started dancing every student moshed (traditional Thai style) before the stage. I always thought my students were nerdy but after seeing them dance I reckon they're pretty well balanced. And as for the teachers... can you imagine your highschool teachers dressing up and dancing for you on stage? There were three school bands to follow. They only played a couple of songs, but quality over quantity I say. I've moshed before, it's normally a pretty messy uncoordinated affair. But these kids were synchronized, the energy was fantastic and music even better. I was torn between taking photos and joining them (Steve was already down there). I was, well... proud.

To finish was the goodbye line. A row of chairs was set up before the stage. One by one teachers were called up with students cheering at every name. It was a buzz when the school called mine. On two large screens a school movie was played and every student (all 180), on their knees, filed by and said one last goodbye. Most students were gushing tears, this was really their last goodbye. With two hands "wai"ed (like prayer) they bowed and put their head on your lap. At first I followed suit by "wai"ing over their heads and saying goodbye (I was - as I assume Steve was too - a little overwhelmed at this stage). I soon broke this tradition with a handshake - for me it was more natural and meant more (I even got one hug). Upstairs Lit was taking photos, even she cried and she'd never even met them before. They said I gave them confidence to speak - it meant a lot.

I think I left that night happy to have been part of their final year, not so much teary eyed but proud - they've got my email.

I still have 1 month left with my grade 9s. I'm not sure how I'll finish with them. They're younger, a little less sentimental - maybe a little class party and some food. As Lit says so well "up to my emotion".

To see photos

To see the video: (to watch it you can 1) use google video software 2) download the ipod version (mp4)

The Upshot of Disaster

2006-01-10T11:53:00.000+07:00

I talked about what happened to me but I didn't talk about my wife - Lit.

Comprehension check - Yes, we are now married. Half-an-hour at the local Amphur, a few signatures and we had our certificates. No ceremony yet, that'll be in the mountains in Oz. Visa first!

First of all I was wrong, the school didn't flood, it sank. I said 2-3m when I should have said 5-6m. The students were evacuated by military boats. Farmers living nearby lost sight of their houses. Many were still camped on highways for public display under their marquees when school re-opened.

The flood did have it's upsides though.

For me:         -        one week off school (xmas holidays)
                     -        great photos and stories to tell
                     -        the satisfaction of seeing Lit socially accepted in our street.

For Lit:

Lit only realized it was flooding when I called from work to ask if I could get home. It immediately got her talking to some previously unknown neighbours standing by the floodwaters. There were minor rescues of people who had lost their footing and plenty of excited gentlemen ready to a assist Lit carrying our 20 litre water bottle back to the house. Of course there was plenty of general chit-chat while we were all stranded on our island         lane. It gave everyone an excuse to say 'Hellooor' to the falangs and 'Sawasdee' to Lit, the north-easterner. The kids, all on holidays, came around to play with 'Auntie Lit' the English speaking north-eastern woman. "How did you learn? Was it expensive? Can yo teach me?". "Are you from the north-east? Speak north-eastern dialect for us! Can you speak southern Thai?" (There's no better way to eradicate prejudices than to start with the kids) "Do so many trees in your room make it hard to breathe?"

It was Lit's cleanliness that got her truly accepted though:-

The entrance to our street is flanked both sides by vacant lots that have been commandeered by super tropical growth. It was already littered, but the water carried with it a rubbish dump. Anyone that knows Lit knows 'clean'. It took only a few words from me to raise her confidence enough to venture outside.

Slowly she swept her way down our lane towards the main road (ex-river). She picked up volunteers, young & old, as well as plastic. One lady said that she had wanted to do this for a long time but never had the courage to start herself. (Thai's have amazing tolerance for littered roads and parklands as well as people). The bins on the roadside had long since floated away, so a rubbish pile was formed (still to be collected by our to chosen but not so responsible gov't). Her actions woke everyone out of their tolerant slumber. Not only was rubbish picked up, but roads patched and potholes filled. There were of course the people across the road who still swept their filth straight into the remaining current. They said, surely with shame concealed, "What are you doing? The government will clean this!". It's a pity Lit's relative youth prevented her from rebutting the respected older but unwiser. My token efforts got me many a thumbs up, but Lit's efforts got her acceptance. People that would otherwise look through her, now smile and bring food.

The next day some ladies pointed out some new rubbish that had been thrown from the balcony of the nearby house. They weren't happy. But a Thai is not only tolerant but considerate (Kreng Jai). So full of Kreng Jai in fact that nothing is said for fear of hurting their feelings. Didn't stop me shattering the vain youth preening his hair and teeth after a night of reckless littering though. In broken Thai, and accusing fingers, "What!? - Dirty - Why?". "Lecycle" he said. Seething, "No - 20 years recycle - you lazy - ugly - dirty - dirty...". "O.K" he said with a meek smile that either meant 'nutty falang' or 'I'm embarrassed already and I 'm sorry'.

It was an issue of Ode Magazine that finally got me writing an optimistic blog. It's so easy to get cynical as an expat. It's a very efficient coping mechanism, it's different so it must be backwards. But seeing small acts, like Lit's, reap subtle but effective results is inspiring. People who say one person can't make a difference has never.

(More photos)

I relented to my peers' pressure

2005-12-21T14:46:00.000+07:00

I can't prove it but it definitely fits the trend - monsoon's two months late and twice as heavy - I think it's global warming.

Steve ran out of petrol so we both headed into school on my scooter. We should scooter pool more often really.

It had been raining a lot recently - 30 hours straight so far and just starting. Yesterday the school's football field, normally a rich red dust bowl, was fielding a man in a canoe. This morning our street's intersection was shin deep. At about 35 hours, all of my day students had been called home. 40 hours, it was time to venture home ourselves. First we went shopping, we would be needing supplies. Apparently Lit (at home) had seen people wading around the back streets. Fast flowing two metre deep floodwaters meant we couldn't come home the way we left. We parked the bike at the stadium and waded home the back-way (ironically closer to the swollen river). My poncho did little after the water reached my tie. A lot of houses had been evacuated, most people were living under marquee tents on the side of roads. Our townhouse street is in the corner of the river. The road connected to ours runs perpendicular to the river before the bend. In effect, our street had become a tributary that would connect further on down. Tributary-cum-rapid - where's a body board when you need one.

Our street was just high enough, so we were an island community. Our water supply worked sometimes but not our electricity. Government people on boats would drop off rice and curry in styrofoam containers. Everyone came together, sharing food, water, and accommodation to those that needed it. This willingness to help out and our new water rapid attraction was what got me doing what I didn't want to.

Where our street met the new river was the new meeting point. The kids had pulled out their chairs and were ready for a day of action. Across the torrent was a house, and around that house was a concrete wall and on that wall was a sliding gate, and inside that gate was a lot of water waiting to get out and behind that water was a silly little man. Water was coming in from the back of the house's yard and emptying slowly through a gap in the gate into our river. The water level inside was higher than out.

For some reason the owner thought he would create equilibrium. Maybe it was

boredom, but boredom isn't an excuse for stupidity. Push, pull, kick, push... it's sliding... here comes the water... I thought it was a sliding gate!? Half a metre of fast flowing water pushing on a gate 4m wide couldn't be held by one man. It swung open with a little man desperately trying to hold it upright. When it fell everyone gasped, the tri-spiked gate almost pinned his head to the mud at the bottom of the water. Never mind he's safe! Now this is where it gets interesting. (As if it wasn't already, right!) (The photo: 2 days after the flood had subsided - water level was 1m higher)

A younger man and a 40-year-old plump tomboy (a radio DJ) decide to lend a hand. Steve and I stood amongst all the remaining onlookers (woman and children) camera in hand. This DJ could barely walk, she kept falling over, the water was too strong and the man only just managed to keep her upright. My thoughts; 'gees we farangs look bad not helping out, but hang on, what's to do? You can't move a gate that big under that much water, and if you could it's just plain dangerous. Spikes, fast flowing water.... Better to just stay back and watch these guys fail miserably but safely, hell, she can hardly stand upright, the gate's not going anywhere, tie it off to the wall and put a sign up to prevent any more mishaps'.

Unfortunately they were lifting it, just enough to have it carry them impaled down the torrent with it. Damn we looked bad. When you can't speak enough Thai to voice disapproval... The resident police officer came out, put his arm around Steve and said, "Help me, Help me". So off we waded, I was being pressured into doing something I thought was dangerous and unnecessary. But what if my extra hands were just enough to make it safe? If something happened and I wasn't helping, I would have felt horrible.

We all managed to drag it inside the gate - 'Great, safe and sound, time to go home.' - NO. Next we lifted it up resting partly against the wall and a tree. "Wait Wait" the owner is now cleaning grass off the wall and motioning for us to move it again. Everyone dragged the gate back out the into the torrent! This is when I speak up "Oi, ....um....." Damn language barrier! Struggling to stop the gate swinging back out into the river (mindful of the spikes), we pulled it back in and lent it aesthetically against the wall.

Did we wade back heroes or selfish farangs. This was the first time I had ever been pressured into doing something I disagreed with. I have shrugged off years of, "C'mon Dan, just one sip or smoke". But this time I couldn't say no. Fear of a bad image, and nagging conscience, had me doing something I thought macho, dangerous and unnecessary. I'm a little bitter about it. How many people are in this position everyday of their lives? Peer pressure.

It was Friday the 16th the flood started, school will open again, Monday week, the 26th.
The sun came out on the 19th. The school football field rose another 1m to a total of about 2-3m. The highest place I witnessed on our street was armpit height. The school's floodwater came from neighbouring provinces and ours from nearby mountains. The last flood was 5 years ago, but not this big.

I must say the government’s been pretty good about it - they’ve given us lots of free food. It’s given everyone a chance to come together and make new friends. It also gave Lit a chance to clean up our littered street and meet some new friends (there’s another blog…). And best of all, we get a Xmas holiday.

I have some photos posted here.
Not all – I haven’t developed my ‘Gate’ photos yet.

I Taught My Student Irony Today

2005-11-21T07:51:00.000+07:00

She's probably my best student. I say that because her grammar's probably better than mine. After 'teaching' reported speech I realized I didn't actually know what I was claiming to teach. Her knowledge at grade 9 was better than mine. I have a theory that if I wrote:-

"The hail damaged my car yesterday"

You wouldn't be able to write that sentence in reported speech -

"He said..."

I was explaining this astonishing concept of how native english speakers just aren't that crash hot at grammar, when the topic of Loy Kratong came up. She asked me what I had done for the Loy Kratong festival the night before. I told her that I had 'been there, done that' last year (and wrote about it too for those wanting to hit my blog archives). I asked her if she could refresh my memory as to why people send boats made of beautiful flowers, candles, banana leaves and styrofoam out onto the river. She told me it was to show our appreciation and apologize to the river for polluting it. I told her that is what you call irony; apologizing for pollution by polluting it, perhaps unknowingly, with gifts.

I then rattled off another current example, 'Tom Yam Goong'. 'Tom Yam Goong', Thailand's latest cinema blockbuster, explored conservation and the extraordinary bond between an elephant and trainer. Trafficked elephants and restaurant's that served endangered species as delicacies were the big no-no's. The irony - Thailand has just opened a $150 a head buffet that will have you eating what you just took photos of. After you've seen the African elephant's, giraffes and lions at the new zoo, you can eat them. They'll also throw a couple of tiger, dog, crocodile, kangaroo and snake steaks in too. All fresh and imported daily mind you! She just said "That's Thailand".

It was then that I got confused. Was what I just explained irony or hypocrisy?

I guess there's irony in a teacher that teaches what he doesn't really understand.

The answer:- "He said the hail had damaged his car the day before." - Let me know if you got it right.

Post Script:
Is it irony, when the world is witnessing the extremes of Islamic fundamentalism, yet instead of appreciating the need for tolerance, fundamentalist Christianity is on the rise? (I'm alluding to an Australian minister's current quiet and quick push for teaching creationism over evolution)

Maybe I should just stick to adjectives and nouns.

Degrees of Worth

2005-10-22T11:28:00.000+07:00

Batman got fired, the sack, the boot, a quick about-face on what was turning out to be a rewarding job at a school that seeks some sort of relative quality in education.

It was ironic, Robin (from Poland) the new teacher had already been given her notice. A sacking 'for personal reasons including your relationship problems and recent time off'. Robin had recently t-boned another scooter at about 60 km/h and spent some time in hospital recovering. The deaf mute couple she hit suffered broken bones but were covered by insurance. Soon after her arrival she had a visit at school by a prosecuting lawyer on 2 separate incidents (small town - same lawyer). It was a charged meeting, strong Eastern European emotions, tolerant non-confrontational Thais and 2 blunt Aussies. It was also something no-one chose to get involved with - domestic violence, theft and a boyfriend that was part of the illegal police betting nights. Robin got the boot for 'personal' reasons that may 'damage a Royal school's reputation'. Her co-teachers later mentioned that they didn't like the way she organized activities and didn't follow the curriculum.

(Rumours travel quickly in small town Gotham, and the internet makes your reputation an even bigger target. Nothing Batman, Robin, Alfred and the Joker can't handle though.)

"The school should be supporting Robin not firing her! They could at least have raised the problems with her rather than going behind her back with an email from her agent giving her 1 weeks notice. I could be next Danno, and I wouldn't know till it was too late"

It was a phone call to convince our agent Alfred that The Joker would be a good replacement for Robin at Princess Chulabhorn College. But it turned into a call on how best to break the news to Batman. His degree had been picked at the immigration office. 'The is to certify...' just didn't cut it, even in Thailand. A black mark against his name had been recorded on the computer (later to be erased with a not so anonymous gift for persuasion). It was time for a change to a more out-of-the-way school that was desperate for any foreigner, regardless of how unqualified he was to teach his native language.

Alfred was too scared to let Batman know, so I did it.

Batman did have options, leave his long-term girlfriend and return home to study and teach, stay in Gotham working for a desperate school and hope that gossip or the law didn't catch up with him or change town, school, house and degree.

After some serious deliberation, 'honesty is the best policy, or without that part-truth is better than none' Some smooth talking was attempted with selected teachers, but to no avail, 'We like you Batman but the Director is scared word will spread to the parents'.

... Batman now has a new job in Hat Yai with a smaller, less-fuss school. He almost has his work permit (I'm still waiting for mine) and all his lesson plans are already written for him. His Mum is here for a visit before he starts the new semester. He won't get a chance to say good-bye to his students, it'll be a month or two before he gets his new salary (3 days notice was given) and he'll be looking for new friends.

It was an ugly struggle. Lies, and mistruths abounded. Mysterious letters, changed allegiances, internet gossip, and (what Aussies would call) spineless backstabbing. Even tears were shed when a supporter of Batman and his abilities confronted the Director on the decsion.

To fake it or not to fake it. The 'do you need a degree to teach English?' debate continues. Immigration usually turns a blind eye, police headquarters is 100 meters from the fake document printing shops and it's estimated 50+% of teachers here don't have legitimate degrees. In my opinion, judge the person not the stereotype. The first three teachers that 'taught' in our school all had real degrees but were far from suitable (see 'A Suitable Teacher' post) but Batman was the best teacher they've had. Does a degree in Accounting give you a better grasp of handling 60 kids in a class for English instruction? Is AUS$1000 a month enough to attract 'qualified' people?

The Joker is now teaching grades 11 and 8 and we are currently seeking another 'qualified' teacher. Maybe they will have real degrees, maybe not. I just hope they are good with kids.

Mondays lesson: Idioms, 'to shoot yourself in the foot'

If anyone lost it back there, the Bat Crew are just alias' for my friends. You can never be to careful these days. Talk badly about somebody or something here and whammo there goes your job.

The Best Man Speech

2005-09-07T07:25:00.000+07:00

Photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/awarrumbungle/

Good evening.....uh hum.... wow that sounds horrible. (croaky voice)

First of all apologies, if I hit falsetto it's not because I'm pubescent.

As Tim mentioned, thank you Sam, Nicole and ...... (embarrassing forgetting of names) oh yeah Sam. You all look great and thanks for helping Claire out today.

Claire you look amazing (lots of laughs - not sure why). No really you do.

I would also like to thank, on behalf of everybody, Tim and Claire for putting on such a show. It's all been quite amazing so far.

Now I looked up the internet on how to make a speech. Apparently I'm supposed to talk about how Tim and I met.... well....
As young brothers I think we fought as much as we played. But growing up we got a little closer and Tim earned the nickname 'blondie'. The best demonstration of of this name I can remember would be on a mountain biking trip. It was going to be a longish ride and I thought I talk through our plans etc. I remember asking Tim 'do you know how to change a tire?'. To which he replied 'Yeah. Do you have to take the tire off first?' (He was serious). He later had a great tumble, but to his credit he kept riding. I don't think to this day Claire hasn't let him ride again.

Teaching in Thailand I have begun to understand how traditional attitudes are towards marriage, I've been informed that sex before marriage is immoral, the woman would lose all her value and worth... basically It's just not acceptable..... I know Tim and Claire have been keeping it traditional to this day, so I'll keep it quick. But this puzzles me somewhat, I've just wondered what would happen if the wife isn't comfortable with his mans preferences. For example, what if the wife finds that his husband has a thing for wearing little black g-strings...... (Confused looks?)...... Tim, that was your g-string that Mum pulled out of the washing machine wasn't it??....
Oh no looks like I've made someone a little embarrassed.

To tell you the truth, I was a little nervous about giving this speech... so I did some research on the web. Apparently it helps to look at famous things that happened in history on this day and talk about them. On this day in 1859 the first successful oil well was struck. Also, the shortest war ever, a total of 38 min between the UK and Zanzibar took place in 1896. Mother Teresa was born in 1910. and I found something about Richard Noble breaking a land speed record of some sort.
Someone may look at this and be totally bewildered, or lost in the relevance of it all. A land speed record, striking oil, a short war, and Mother Teresa?? What the..?

Well, it's not like me to give up a challange, so I decided to run with it:

Tim: don't break any more speed records tonight,

Both of you: keep your arguments and fights short and everyone will forget about them in no time.

Claire: If Tim ever gets too much, you could turn celibate.

and finally I hope you both continue to strike it lucky in love and happiness everyday from here on in.

Now it's time for some letter's from some people that couldn't make it here tonight:

I have one here from Catherine the II of Russia : Claire all the best, remember 'men make love more intensely at 20 but better at 30' be patient. and all the best today.

Are from dear old Agatha Cristie: Clair, an archeologist was your best choice, the older you get the more interested he would have become, but nonetheless just remember, any woman can fool a man if she wants to especially if he's in love with her. Sorry I couldn't make it, Love Agy.

Dear Tim: Just remember a man that said his wife can't take a joke forgot she took him. Oscar Wilde.

and here's one, writing looks a bit old but i think it says, Tim, by all means marry, if you get a good wife you will become happy if you don't you'll become a philosopher. Oh looks like that was from Socrates.

That's all from the celebrity quotes page.

Once again Claire, you look stunning, pity you'll only get to wear that dress once. and

Tim, you metrosexual you.

Everybody please stand and toast to a future full of happiness and love for Tim and Claire.

Headlines and Anecdotes

2005-08-19T07:49:00.000+07:00

New Minister plans to donate 500 TVs to cafes in the 3 troubled southern provinces of Thailand. This 'speak first think later' approach is aimed at diverting terrorists attention from planting bombs to watching the English Premier League instead.

The Prime Minister said "Don't worry, everything is OK, I've got it under control..." when large cracks were found in the new airstrip currently being constructed. He also told the public to ignore the American experts and their advice to rebuild the entire airstrip for fear of worldwide rejection.

A student in my grade 9 class warned that "If she had an orgasm, she would say 'Oh my God, it's dangerous' and find a new boyfriend".

A grade 12 student stated that sex before marriage is immoral and would make a woman valueless. Another demonstrated certain positions in front of the class (WITHOUT prompting).

Thailand's English skills are found to be lower than Myanmar and Laos.

The Govt's attempt to introduce 'student-centred' learning has failed miserably. They forgot to explain to the teachers what this actually means.

A veteran Thai English teacher lost face when she failed to understand my joke. A 15 year old student did (laugh that is).

Reports of Monks driving Mercedes Benzes in Bangkok have just come in.....

All of the above is almost fact interspersed with only a little wit.

A Suitable Teacher

2005-07-20T08:52:00.000+07:00

There's supposed to be three of us, I teach grade 12 and 9, Dave teaches 10 and 7 and well the third would teach 11 and 8.

Let me describe my school's conditions. The wage is 30,000 baht a month (A $1,000) supposedly the 'legal' requirement here for English teachers. However, it's more than most heads of departments earn! In fact I think only the Principal earns more (after all he is in charge of school funds) It's a 20 hour teaching week, classes of 40 perfect, extremely intelligent and diligent students. 8am-4pm. Loads of 1-2 day holidays........

......Perhaps I could sum it up better by saying I can't think of anything to complain about........

.... That is except the English teachers here, or rather lack of. The first new recruit was, well, a slob. He failed the first Thai test, his appearance was atrocious. The second, he didn't turn up! We all thought he was struggling a bit, but tolerance is a Thai virtue. It was his first gig, but there just didn't seem to be any drive. The teachers reckoned he struggled staying awake in class! No warning, no apologies he disappeared, time for the next teacher.....

.....Come Liam, he was great, he had to be, he is our employer after all. He filled in for a couple of weeks till the next one could arrive. Everyone loved him, he was energetic, funny, and easily understood......

.....Neil!        First impressions: nice, a little dopey, an accountant from England, he'll do.

                Second impressions: Extremely clumsy and aloof. His second day of school, he's distracted by a student when he ploughs straight into a mud-filled ditch on his bike. He soon stumbles into the office declares that he's a silly fool and needs to clean up. I remind him where the bathroom is. After 3 hours of teaching the finer points of 20 questions I return to the office to see him once again explaining his mishap to the female head of English. He had his pants unbuckled down around his knees tucking in his shirt while pointing out the gash in his red mud stained trousers.

                Third impressions: It didn't click at first, but this guy was drunk!! After asking why his 13 year old students weren't partying hard last night in a 'lesson' he disappeared. His co-teacher was a little annoyed when we told him he had just phoned and said he was lost. No, not lost at school, not even in Trang! He had driven out of town looking for a tailor and forgotten how to get back. Not to worry though he did turn up as the final bell went, but most impressively he had managed to stay drunk all day.

                Final impressions: I'm confused. A mixture of pity and annoyance. For the next 3 weeks he turned up and stayed drunk every day. It took a couple of days for the Thai teachers to work it out. But as I said earlier, a Thai virtue and also flaw is their tolerance. Not one teacher has said anything to him yet. During that time he missed classes, taught to the wrong classes, continually went walk-about, continually asked us inane questions like 'How do I colour this piece of paper red?' 'How do I teach English?' 'How do I start a conversation?'. He has lost his phone, his glasses' lens, his belt, his lesson plans, and his way. He has declared he doesn't like rice or spicy food.

Unsure of whether to confront him ourselves, Dave and I spoke to our employer. It has been three weeks before a replacement is on the cards. The Thai teachers have only recently spoken to us about him but not confronted him, his employer or the principal. The new teacher is from Poland, she has been teaching primary school for 16 months. She hasn't started yet but some Thai teachers don't want her, after all she has no experience teaching high-school students.

Why can a drunk be allowed to teach students in such a reputable school for so long, yet someone with 16 months experience (more than me) is not wanted.

'Kreng Jai' might help explain. Roughly translated as consideration. How it works: someone is or does something disagreeable yet you can't say anything for fear of hurting their feelings or causing them to lose face. Kreng Jai. A teacher is drunk, a lout, definitely not suited for teaching children. However, to confront him or sack him would cause him to lose face or be hurt. To go behind his back and contact his employer (considered slimy back home) is the best option. However, to criticise the employers would be inconsiderate as well. When the employer eventually finds out still nothing is done. First a replacement must be found and an appropriate excuse for the drunk to leave is needed. Perhaps a new job in a poorer more unorganised school.

The result of all this, rumours, lots and lots of gossiping. Repressed anger. Grudges are held for eternity here, usually unleashed with the help of whisky. Loss of efficiency, and quality. H ow can you get anything done effectively if you can't criticise. The benefits of Kreng Jai are 'island time' and no fear whatsoever of losing one's job. I am not motivated to work through fear or punishment but choose to do a good job because I want to. Inspired to be a conscientious teacher because I have conscientious students, not motivated from fear of failure or blame.

Anyone want a job?

Case of the Stolen Scooter

2005-06-03T13:49:00.000+07:00

It was George Lucus' fault, really it was!

Star Wars came to Trang, so of course we had to see it, even if it was only in Thai. At $2.20 why wouldn't you? The acting and script wasn't much better in English anyway (except for the nice allusions to George Bush being a Sith Lord). We stayed until the end, unlike many of the locals that appeared to have some urgent farming to tend to.

There was a sinking feeling when I put my hand in my pocket at the end of the movie. Where was my key? I'd once looked for 20 minutes at school when my key wasn't in my pocket, only to find that it was hiding in the coin partition. So there was still hope........... that was, until I went outside. No amount of hope was going to make my bike reappear again. My Honda Sonic 125-cc bike was missing but Dave's was still there. The hope was gone and the sinking feeling back again. Damn!

We conveniently waved two scooter police down. None of us had learnt the word for 'steal' yet, 'gone already' 'don't know' 'not good' seemed to get the message across though. It was going to be a long night at the police station.

We were ushered into a cubicle where a seedy-grinned officer told us he couldn't speak English. Luckily there was an officer to interpret at hand. He was a pretty light hearted fellow. After he mentioned he wanted a foreign girlfriend and learnt that we were working in a respected school here, we became 'best buddies'. There weren't many questions asked, but the embarrassing 'where is your key' question still surfaced. I still believe I dropped it when paying at the restaurant across the road, I've never left my key in the bike before.

Back at the apartment I eventually told the drop-kick that passes for the night attendant that my motorcycle had been stolen and I need him to open my room for me. He eventually understood, asked me to pay for the last 3 days phone bill (.50c) and rambled to me in some random dialect that he claims is Thai. Not five minutes later, he was back at my door telling me to hurry downstairs (I think he said 'put your shirt back on the police....... here....' in 'Thai'). Downstairs two attractive 'karaoke girls' were there asking me if I'd talked to the police yet (in English).
I told them 'thank-you, I have already been there'.
'No problem I call them now'
'No it's ok really, already been there'
'OOOoooohhh.......... you spoke to short policeman, no English?'
'That's right!'
'Oh OK, he my boyfriend'.

Policeman are renowned playboys here, a different girlfriend for every night of the week.

Everyone was embarrassingly 'sorry for me' at school. Word travelled pretty quick and most of the school was offering their sincerest apologies. Apparently a bike a day is stolen here (I wonder if they all had keys left in the ignition). Teachers covered my lessons and escorted me to town to gather my evidence. (I tried it alone earlier that day, only to find myself searching for the word 'steal' again.) The teachers from this school have some social standing. To the front of all the queues we went, staff and almost some of the police were scrambling to find what we needed.

That night, Dave and I visited our new 'best buddy, Sam' to file the report. He had with him a civilian interpreter. She managed to tell officer Sam how to write his police report in only 2 hours. By the end of it we had exchanged phone numbers, and he had offered Dave his gun to shoot the barking dogs down the road in exchange for an English lesson.

The next day at school my co-teacher ushered in one of my 12th graders. Her Dad is a mover and shaker in Trang, he'd done some fancy police hustling before to find her daughters stolen bike last year. I was starting to think I might get my bike back, with my new police buddy Sam and some police influence from above....

No news as yet though. Oh except for when Officer Sam's girlfriend called me drunk one day trying to work out who this new number belonged to. Jealousy and corruption are rampant in Thailand.

Princess Chulaporn

2005-05-23T11:35:00.000+07:00

So far so great.

I'm coming home from work almost refreshed as opposed to last years pure frustration. I guess I'll start by giving a little run down on what I'm talking about - my new school (might be hard because there's a lot to it). It's a boarding school, 70% girls and 70% come from outside of Trang province.
Last year it had the most students accepted into their desired uni course, which makes it the number 1 school here. There is an entrance exam, so basically that means most of my students are smarter than me (I know one of my students won the Thai essay competition last year). Never mind, I'm sure I've still got something to offer.

This school is basically in opposition to 95% of the schools in Thailand. The school has been extraordinarily welcoming, and don't show any signs of backing down. The English department's English is so good that I sometimes wonder what we are actually doing here. The students are brilliant (so far). They're very conscientious to say the least. Many quoted their best memories as when they won the science prize for Thailand etc etc. Some however, are brutally but refreshingly honest when they say that they are most happy when they are sleeping or sitting on the toilet.

I haven't taught for more than a week yet, but in that time I have already had the most rewarding lesson yet, with most kids coming up and thanking me personally at the end of it. I have addressed more than 1,400 students plus the teachers at the school assembly (my first major public speaking- just a little unnerving). I have eaten at the best school cafeteria in the world, everyday sitting down to a table full of curries, soups and finally dessert - for free. I also have my own desk (it's a 1st for me), with almost too many resources and plenty of students that come in for chats whenever I'm not teaching. With all of this going on it means I'm having to lift my teaching game. But that's OK, I have 4 co-teachers. They sit in on my lessons and are great for positive criticism (a rarity here), WILLING students, great resources and a great atmosphere.

Come August I might even meet Princess Chulaporn herself (Princess Chulaporn School). They have an office and bathroom built at over 2 million baht just for her, so it has never been used. The plan is she will visit for the school's 10th anniversary this year to bless the school and receive donations (1 million baht - yes an exceptional amount of money, each student pays 2,000 baht a year for fees) which she will spend on the poor and science in Thailand.

Well, things are looking up, Lit and I are off to a fun-run this Sunday and our first school holiday is this Monday.

The Rice is Whiter

2005-04-23T10:49:00.000+07:00

"I chose this situation - How do I choose to deal with it?"

This was my dilemma finishing the school year in February - Leave town or be a willing victim of corruption.

Well Thai News Years (Songkran) has passed, the rice harvest has finished and the monsoon should start soon enough (global warming delays these things). With all this change the local teacher hiring politics has improved as well.

I always had a standard salary package working for the powerful 'Highest Ranked' and 'Christian' school in Trang. However, things changed and luckily I didn't 'have to choose' to deal with the power, corruption and child beating. In fact I had I another 4 job offers lined up. 1) A primary school 20mins away from the climbing scene, but very poor pay 2) Very average pay at a seemingly nice school in Trang 3) An apology and the old job offer back at the amazingly resourced 'thumbprint' school. Teaching maths and English but not getting a lot of holidays and working long and unnecessary hours or 4) A slightly shorter contract on the same salary working at a boarding school, 2nd or 3rd highest ranked in Trang, smallish classes in our own air-conditioned rooms (as opposed to the teachers going to the kid's classroom).

What did I choose - NUMBER 4!!!! I went along with my mates decision. He lined the job up and reckons they have nice teachers, smart kids, and a relaxed environment. We will see soon enough. I start planning on the 10th and teaching on the 16th of May.

The holidays have been pretty good. You've seen the climbing photos already. So what happened that you didn't see in the photos? What did the Urban Crew get up to when not on film? Off the boat, wowed by the cliffs everyone checked in and had a nap. Not to worry though I think of the 10 days these guys were here, there were only about 1 1/2 rest days. I think the best way to sum it up is give a typical days routine. Stu and Adz wake up before dawn with a bit of Tai Chi and a self-massage on the beach. They then wake us up for a lazy breakfast, we go climbing. Stu's driven, Eli sweats like a waterfall from above, Adz' sits on the rope working 7bs, Bruce doesn't stop and Lit munches on watermelon seeds between climbs. Sunbathing and cliff jumping after lunch on the beach. Dinner is Adz and Eli planning how to get the mysterious Inga's number. It was an exhausting week but a lot of fun (especially waiting for the next tsunami to hit at 1am).

Since then we have toured northern Thailand with my Dad. Visited Lit's family, got a few photos with some Long Necked Karens (Myanmar Refugees), a few photos with some musical elephants, a few photos of the water fighting that is Thai New Years and just a few photos of anything else we could fit on my Dad's memory card.

My Thai New Years resolutions:

1) I'd say 'save' - but isn't that everyone's resolution, I want some realism, originality, some change, progress. So here it goes:

1) Learn these Thai phrases:
'No I don't want yet another plastic bag and a straw for my green tea'
'Please don't stare, I may have more hair than you but I still eat rice'
'Yes of course officer, I'll wear my helmet, but you first!'

2) Get involved with developing a new climbing area close to Trang

3) Become one of a few decent teachers working in Thailand:
a) Learn the kid's names
b) Develop a practical curriculum based on what the kids want to learn and I want to teach.
c) Find a way to deal with Thai kid's seeming lack of inquisitiveness.

4) Have some impact on the copious littering and backyard burning that goes on here. Possibly have the kid's discover this problem and it's solutions then right a petition/letter to the King about it.

5) Continue to gather evidence and submit it to the beautiful, welcoming and warm people down at the Australian Embassy. (Oh and research the effectiveness of 5,000 baht as part of this evidence).

6) Don't become embittered or overly cynical about it all.

Well there it is, hopefully another update with a little humour, insight into Thailand and what we do with our time. Who's coming to visit next? ;)

Stealing

2005-02-25T16:43:00.000+07:00

What happens to the kid that steals from the teacher?

It happened. The cheeky little brat stole my pen from my bag when I was writing on the board.
It was a girl and I caught her out of the corner of my eye sliding it into her desk.

"Oh no you poor thing! A pen!!! What a rotten child!"

I know know, if I didn't catch her I'd have to go and buy a new pen. What a hassle.

(Need I say - It's the principle of the thing)

But surprisingly (to me anyway) I wasn't angry, I was hurt. I waited a few minutes, checked my desk to see if it really was my pen (of course of the 50 students I think only 10 had pens) then asked if anyone knew where it was. No response, so I went and plucked it out of her desk. All the kids defended her with obscene logic. I ignored them, continued testing a few kids that had missed last weeks exams (i think the best was 5/30, poor little buggers they got confused between the word bottom and eyebrow), packed my stuff and took little miss innocent to the staff-room.

After finding the word 'steal' in the dictionary, the Thai teachers finally understood. Didn't stop all her friends accusing me of being the liar though. The teachers I think were smirking at the pettiness of it all, but none the less they backed me up and I imagine she got a beating.

The following day I explained why it was such a serious thing for us falangs. I think they finally understood. The message went even harder home when they asked me what I thought of their school.

It's ok though, finished for good at that school. Where to next is an uncertainty though. I seem to be hitting all the usual 'Teaching in Thailand' milestones on time.

Just a Mushroom

2005-02-23T15:29:00.000+07:00

What the rich will do to save face and take what they want.

I may have mentioned to some people that I would be working for a different and BETTER school this May. This is now not true. The reasons why give an insight into the machinations of Thailand's 'elite'.

Before Wednesday the job was ours, we were locals, we had experience and good reputations, we had normal girlfriends (we would be sticking around), we had all the necessary paperwork, all the other teachers want us to work there, they have a massive shortage of teachers. The school was BETTER, it has air-conditioned rooms with less then 30 students per class, loads of resources, a better salary and holiday package, personal computer with internet access for the teachers etc etc.

After Wednesday the job is anyone's that doesn't live locally. WHY????

Enter the director (principal/owner) of Barunalumluk school. She is a Christian, owns half of the Church, a hospital, the 'best' school in Trang...... When she canes a child she blesses them, when she accepts a student to her school she also accepts a 30,000 baht ($1,000) 'donation'...... I could go on, and I will.

Dave has been working for Barunalumluk school for the past year, I have been working for an affiliated school and am due to transfer there, until the BETTER school offered a MUCH BETTER package, until Wednesday that was. We saw the move as logical, better for us, supply and demand. They saw it as 'Teacher Poaching'

People have been influenced. Unfortunately school directors in Thailand aren't in it for the students.

To find a job at any other school in the province is now out of the question for us. To storm into the directors office and demand an explanation would have her lose face and us shot.

1) We work for the corrupt school, we have 60+ kids to a class, no resources, and poor conditions. We try to 'rise above'. Do it for the kids. Perpetuate the corruption.

2) We move - we find a new school, a new town, a new apartment. We face the same problems as before (ours isn't the only corrupt, ill-equipped school in Thailand). We 'teach' the director a lesson - corruption has lost you two good teachers. But then I remember reality, unfortunately school directors in Thailand aren't in it for the students.

I chose this situation - How do I choose to deal with it?

Fashion Police

2005-02-11T14:57:00.000+07:00

I've seen it in schools, at Songkran Festival and now in the law books. Fashion Police DO exist. Thailand is all about appearances and first impressions. (It looks good if you have a degree regardless that the Ministry of Education says no one is to fail).

Unlike universities back home, students must wear uniforms. Your shirt must be white and have a collar and your dress black, the specifics are up to you. Where it gets a little complicated is the shoes. You must look 'smart'. Dress high heels are perfect, however if they are high heels in the style of flip-flops or thongs it's not acceptable . Sandals are definitely not 'in'. Closed shoes however, go well with miniskirts (apparently).

Songkran , Thai New Years, it is the biggest water fight you will ever see. The whole country pulls out their super soakers, and buckets. It happens at the peak of summer, it's very very hot. So of course not a lot of clothing is worn. However, to uphold Thailand's 'appearance' it was decreed that any Thai female wearing a boob tube, hot pants or smaller should be pulled aside by a police officer, given a stern lecture, and sent home to get changed.

As for the law books, visible underwear is being discussed in parliament. If it all goes according to plan, anyone with underwear visible in public will cop a fine of 2,000 baht ($60 - a lot here when a months salary can be only $180). I have a feeling it is directed at woman. No home boys or t-bones in Thailand please!

I don't think I have to go into the real issues - such as prostitution, corruption........

Tsunami Aid

2005-01-19T12:09:00.000+07:00

Where does all those millions go?

The story I'm about to tell is only one account, with one aid agency from one fellow teacher on one small island in Thailand. It is by no means my take on what happens to all that money, only a provocative example.

It goes like this; a French aid agency approached a falang (foreigner) in Trang, Thailand. By chance he just happened to be an English teacher that speaks fluent Thai and has been living here for 10+ years.

The aid agency laid down the scenario: 'We have millions, we have so much we don't know what to do with it. So we are working our way down the coast of Thailand giving aid where it is needed. We want to assist a small, but badly hit Muslim fishing village on Koh (Island) Mook. Can you help us find volunteers, and show us where to buy rice and tools?'

Sunday 8:30 am a truck and busload of Thais, falangs, rice and tools headed for the pier. There was an excess of extra hands. A chain of people was formed and the supplies transferred to boats. Once on the island the same process again. A meeting was held. It was decided after a lengthy wait that the villagers were grateful for the food and especially the tools. However, they wished to distribute everything amongst themselves to those who needed it the most. They also declined the volunteers a chance to undertake a beach cleanup, they would also do this themselves.

As a result the extra hands, now not needed, spent a weekend in luxury, all expenses paid on the island's resort.
(Including the a local band that was invited to entertain the villagers, they also weren't needed.)

Of course, they felt guilty. But they enjoyed their time, their intentions were pure.

-------

1) Where is the organisation? Were so many 'all expenses paid' volunteers really needed? What did the villagers really want or need help with?

2) Why don't they know what to do with all that money? Surely, even on this small island more could have been offered. France is a first world nation with first world expertise, if aid is to be given couldn't better building strategies, more resources and education on waste management have been offered? If there is so much money, why not lift the poverty from their lifestyle?

3) Where is the money we donate really going? Forgetting the pledged aid from the gov't, millions of dollars, up front, in cash is available to not just provide emergency relief, but create a fresh start. Build stronger, sustainable buildings, introduce new technology, provide more resources for education and invigorate their micro-economies.

This is one account, with one aid agency from one fellow teacher on one small island in Thailand.

I guess all I'm really getting at is, give money, give lots. But give wisely, do a little background reading first.

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin:

"We in developed nations are looking out on the world and our people are coming to grips, some for the first time, with the true disparity of wealth, of promise and, all too often, of fortune and providence... We have a window on the precarious nature of so many lives. We have a window, and it can be unsettling to look through it."

Small cage

2005-01-17T12:22:00.000+07:00

Another weekend in small town Trang, we checked the map and there were still a few landmarks to explore. Saturday it was to be a cave and Sunday the wildlife breeding centre.

Saturday:

Tham (cave) Talae is a little different to the thousands of nondescript caves throughout Thailand, it is only accessible by boat. It was 200 baht ($6) for the boat, a guide and a paddle man. The image from above is a cavernous limestone mountain surrounded by a 'moat'. There was a paddler at the front and back. Our entry point was a very low one metre opening in the mountain, we had to stoop. The tunnel soon opened up and had us moving our heads to dodge the stalactites. There were to be two stops. We jumped off at the steps leading into the first cave, our guide flicked the switch and on came the ghastly multicoloured fluorescent lights. A lot of 'excavation' had been done. The cave wasn't as pristine as some I've seen, in fact it had seen a lot of traffic, and light fingers. We walked through the first section a little unimpressed, we saw the stalactite that looked like a mouse, and the stalagmite that looked like a finger. Our boat man met us at the other side. We were soon at our second stop. This was a little more impressive, mainly because of its size. The cave opened up into a massive cavern and many stalagmites were adorned with Buddhist scarfs. There were a few elephant feet and even a dogs head, but what surprised me was to see a root larger than my leg that traversed the walkway. It was white with talcum powder (good luck). Apparently it came from a tree with a circumference of more than 6m at the top of the mountain we were under. Anyway time for some fresh air. On our way out we passed a few families on their way in, it reminded me a lot of a ride at Disneyland. Our guide was in a good mood, and the water level just right for us to exit via the back door. Basically we all laid down, pitch black, and squeezed the boat through a tunnel that just seemed to get smaller and smaller. We literally had stalactites scraping our noses, and the boat bottlenecked numerous times. The guide said we were lucky, you can only do this 20 days of the year, well worth the 200 baht I thought. We left only seeing 5% of the cave system, the rest is still unexplored.

Sunday:

The wildlife breeding centre is situated within a beautiful mountain range bordering Trang province. The gate leading into it read ' closed due to avian bird flu' (I've always loved that, I guess you could never have a bovine bird flu). The was a family on the bike behind us, they went, so of course we followed. Basically it was a small zoo, with even smaller cages for a few birds, small mammals and monkeys. We passed the Burmese rooster, a few pheasants, hornbills, crab-eating monkeys and then reached the gibbons. Three beautiful white peaceful eyed gibbons, bored and sucking thumbs in a concrete cell the size of a king sized bed. Gibbons are my favourite monkeys, they have hands longer than their biceps, forearms twice as long again and oval faces with calm owl-like eyes. They normally are very playful and leave most rock-climbers envious and wondering about the benefits of forearm surgery. Next came the mouse deer - and that is exactly how you describe them - no bigger than a fat cat. On the way back we passed some lonely civets, a few Brahmin Kite - hawks with nowhere to hunt, a vulture that didn't have room to spread its wings and two Myna Hill birds. These birds are amazing, you can usually hear them making all sorts of noise in the forests. They are known for mimicking almost anything, these two, could say 'hello' in English, 'go quickly' in Thai, and cough and laugh like a man that had smoked a pack a day for 50 years. There 'native' sounds were just as impressive as most of the time one call is usually a syncopated harmony of both birds.

I'll let you know if I get the sniffles.

The week preceding:

It's been a lengthy blog already but I can't help but mention some high-school politics and anecdotes. The week started with a bunch of conscientious students interviewing myself and another teacher for their school magazine. It was very entertaining, I think 50% of the time we were answering our own questions by the time we had guessed at their meaning. Questions ranged from, favourite fruits and the price of turkeys to more heavy issues such as the differences between Australian and Thai families and students, our religious beliefs, future dreams and hardest of all what traditions or culture Australians have. I found myself looking up the words, loyalty vs. independence, agnostic, sustainability, and well just mightily confused when it came to explaining our culture, let alone who's culture I was attempting to describe.
As for the politics. The wonderful staff that arranged our jobs, accommodation and anything else we needed assistance with are all quitting their company after being accused of embezzling fuel money, a ludicrous statement. The reason I haven't met the principal is because we don't have one and our school has a teacher that brags to us and other staff that his English is better than ours. Quite a bold move after he corrects a fellow teachers statement 'I am going now' with 'I must to be go now' publicly. Oh and our school lied about our salary when it submitted the application form to the government for our visa.

Amazing Thailand!

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin:

"We in developed nations are looking out on the world and our people are coming to grips, some for the first time, with the true disparity of wealth, of promise and, all too often, of fortune and providence... We have a window on the precarious nature of so many lives. We have a window, and it can be unsettling to look through it."

Big Waves Review

2005-01-01T15:23:00.000+07:00

One of the last things I said in my blog was that 'I couldn't believe how few had died in Patong, Phuket.' This may come across as somewhat callous, but it just lacked explanation. The death toll here in Thailand has been continually rising, along with the rest of the Indian Rim, it is extremely sad. Many of these people already lacked many necessities and quality of life. Aceh and Mynmar in particular (The last I heard, the Mynmar govt still claims only 60 deaths and refuses aid - it has more coastline and islands than Thailand by far).

But what I see from Thailand is inspiring. The world is donating, but the charity from within is phenomenal. Celebrities raised 10 million baht the first night, Thai airways offers free flights, Honda donates 5 million and free motorcycle repairs, the PM donates from his own pocket and the average person has managed to either physically help or donate relatively substantial baht.

Many of the survival stories are even more impressive. A mother and her 3mth old baby flee from the oncoming water, the husband was out fishing. The baby and mother separate. That night the husband returns, 3 days pass, then word from the hospital. Their baby is alive. Police were retrieving bodies, one in the tree. They tried to shake the tree, still stuck, they started to chop it down until something moved. The baby, 3 moths old had survived 3 days and nights on top of a tree.

The news coverage shows a war zone, in the effected areas it is devastating. The reality is tourism is many peoples livelihood here. Phuket suffered major devastation, yet the bars and clubs are open. People are still jet-skiing and snorkelling. There is another sensational side that the media doesn't present. So many people have pulled through such devestation. When I say I am amazed at how few died, I am. Patong Beach, Phuket is a massive flat, water level beach complex. For it to be doing business already is a sign that life does continue, people are starting again, and that this charity is helping. For these people to survive, the charity is needed, but just as importantly so is the tourism.

I am by no means trying to downplaying the seriousness of this event, urgent help and charity is still needed, thousands are suffering.

Big Waves and Xmas

2004-12-29T11:44:00.000+07:00

Christmas was here - apparently. Teaching at a Christian school, there were plenty of decorations going up, and spirits were as usual, up and about scaring people. (Joss Houses can be found in or out the front of every house - apparently they are supposed to be better decorated then the residents to encourage the spirits to live there instead. Various prayers, rituals and beliefs exist that I am still ignorant of). Apart from the schools and the church, everyone seemed to be aware it was happening, some even dressing the part, but not many seemed to really celebrate it like we do back in Aus. Our Christmas pizza dinner was fabulous.

Before Christmas itself, Lit and I made a short but tedious trip to Bangkok for Uni textbooks. It only reconfirmed my belief that despite plenty of Mercedes the standard of living is atrocious. We were stuck in traffic for two hours on a bus. It was eventful though, we were airborne and almost flew over the seats in front of us on two separate occasions. It also meant that we had no time for climbing on the beach.

We felt no tremors (opposed to Bangladesh and Oman), and were quite happily exploring waterfalls inland. It was only when we got back and saw the news that we started to realise the extent of it all. Like everybody else, we learnt of the events from the media. and like many others we new people involved. My TEFL provider/employer's shop and car is washed out despite being .5km from the sea. Many of them are living in the highlands. The major highway bridges to Phuket were destroyed, and the airport on the beach obviously suffered as well. As of today, 1 teacher returned from Penang Island unhurt, but 1 is still uncontactable in Phuket. The teachers tell me a few students are also still stuck on various islands off the coast. I am amazed at how many people have been effected throughout the world, but also at how few died in Phuket, Patong, a throbbing peak tourist season beach town.

New Years for us will be fairly sedate I imagine, friends, dinner, and stories.

All the best, let New Years be like every other day, brilliant.

New Photos Posted

2004-12-12T19:38:00.000+07:00

I have new photos posted under the Thailand folder at Webshots.

Efficient Living

2004-12-09T17:19:00.000+07:00

Thinking about my personal consumption and impact on the environment living in Thailand - It's pretty damned good.

One of the biggest pollutants in western countries - commuting. Back home we have so far to travel - every day 40+km?? Here I walk 2 minutes across the road into the classroom. I get a siesta without the 3rd and 4th traffic jam.
Even in Bangkok, yes its polluted don't get me wrong, but the public transport system is unbelievable. They don't have timetables because there are just too many buses, you stand, you wait, and wall-ah you have a bus - cheap!

A car, really who would want one here, unless you need it for work or drive long distances. Forgetting Bangkok, even small town Trang has traffic. That's if you have a car anyway. Traffic moves awfully slow here, caution is a must with so many scooters around and not many traffic lights or enforced road rules. It takes at least 3 times as long to get anywhere in a car - and where do you park? Besides scooters are fun. I have a zippy one - I can still carry two people if i desire, cruise over the 120km/h mark (if I really was crazy) and all on less than $3 dollars a week fuel (that includes a trip to the beach).

People cite the growls and smoke of diesel as a major negative. And that is apparent in Thailand. But first of all they are a lot more efficient then sparkies, diesel is subsidised here, but most importantly, like any country with their head screwed on, they are pursuing biodiesel. Biodiesel is a renewable fuel source, made from vegetable oil, 80% reduced emissions and needs no engine alterations etc. etc. and lots more etceras. Thailand probably has one of the best platforms to work from as a result of the fuel subsidies making a diesel car the preferred choice. The future could be clean. (Australia's head is already out of the socket even when compared to America when it comes to biodiesel).

Garbage. Personally I don't think we use too much. Unfortunately a lot of plastic is used, however, a lot does get recycled. Glass coke bottles, reused. Plastic drinking bottles, recycled or reused. Food matter, dogs eat it. There are even some recycled plastic bags on the market. It could be worse.

Electricity consumption is still big. The PM asks for mindfulness. But in 30+ degrees and 100% humidity everyone likes the air-con. In our apartment we're probable average. We use the air-con at night only, set at 27 degrees. Use only fluorescent bulbs, rarely use the TV (its crap anyway), have a rice cooker, bar fridge, kettle and a wok It's more than necessary but cooking is enjoyable. In all honesty, who living in Australia uses less then that?

Food consumption is interesting. Thailand eats a lot of meat. But they eat more rice. One steak goes 2 meals for 2 people with rice. More interesting is that not much gets thrown away. Everything gets eaten, and I mean everything - I don't even know where to start.

Water, it's everywhere. We don't use too much though. Who wants a long relaxing COLD shower?

But what about the standard of living? It's still good. The foods amazing, there are beaches and forests a scooters drive away, a cold shower is refreshing in the heat, and I get 2 hour siesta lunch breaks. Not bad for efficient living.

Loy Krathong

2004-12-04T11:41:00.000+07:00

Friday the 26th of November - Loy Krathong. 'Loy' means float and a 'krathong' is a boat. Therefore, float your boat. And that is exactly what we did.

This festival is symbolic. What festival isn't...

In essence you float a boat with incense and a candle down a river, The further your boat goes before flipping over the better - the luckier you are, the longer you'll live and the happier you'll be.

We were in Krabbi town at the time - waiting for the next long-tail to the cliffs. We bought a beautiful boat with decorations of dark green leaves folded in the shape of long cones which encircled a few roses. In the middle were two incense sticks and a candle. All of this was built on a circular slice of a coconut tree only slightly bigger than a hand. It looked painstakingly intricate, especially for $1.20. Other variations include a loaf of bread with a candle out the top, or the thankfully outdated styrofoam krathong. Krabbi is a coastal town so we launched in the sea - it was going to be rough.

As a couple we launched only the one boat together, this symbolises our relationship. If either of us launched another individually or with another person we were doomed to break up (an often tried tactic of the wooing woman). We set our krathong off amidst moored long-tails and other flailing krathongs. This is done by first holding the boat close to the head in a wai and wishing for ....?world peace? The ocean doesn't flow like a river, so we encouraged our boat. Floating with a small fleet of fellow krathongs it made its way along the shore line without a glitch. The candles and incense burnt to the end - not a bad feat in the choppy ocean.

As the boats float down the river there are a few cheeky kids throwing stones. Every year a child normally drowns on this festival. Usually in Bangkok as they try to reclaim the 1 baht coins also sometimes placed on the boats. Lots of other festivity stuff goes on, the usual, buy this buy that. There was however, an interesting game of Tra Kor underway. Its volleyball of the feet - exactly. It's amazing, these guys do back-flip kicks over bitchumen.

The waterways are usually a mess in the morning. Thank-Buddha for the foreigners, a cleaning effort is underway for our sakes. Motivations are interesting.

Speaking of motivations, there is an effort called on by the King to make paper origami birds as a symbol for hope and peace in the south. I'm sure millions of them exist already. I like the idea, a nation dreaming of peace, and expressing their hopes. However, what masses of paper (yes I am green, but when you consider the figures - 71 million people making countless paper birds only to be trucked to the south and.... what then?). What about the motivations? after asking after the purpose of all of this, it's possible to grasp that the they are doing it for the King for the south - note the order!

Till the next event.....

First Week Teaching

2004-11-12T17:34:00.000+07:00

The first week is over, I'm tired and my girlfriend has left for Bangkok already.

It's been great though. Next week she will come back with a bag load of textbooks for her Uni course and I will only have to work 26 hours a week (and thats 6 hours overtime). Our apartment is almost decked out, all that is missing is an orchid and a fridge. Transport is sorted: a 125cc, 4stroke, manual clutch, Sonic. It will do well for the weekend trips to the Andamen Sea and nearby waterfalls and hot springs. As for the students, I am due to go running with some of them around a lake in an hour or so.

Trang is a very small town - a community it you will. Our contracted employers are great. They drove us from Phuket to Trang, helped us on an unsuccesful hunt for houses, fed us, and bring us sweets whenever they visit. We decided that the houses, although only $70 a month, were going to be tedious to furnish for just 1 year. Living amongst the rubber trees would have been great though. Our current apartment is $100 a month, has aircon, cable, and best (maybe) of all is it takes literally 2minutes to walk into the classroom.

The teachers were a little excited. The first day had the head english teacher (great lady, poor english) introduce us to the majority of the teaching staff by telling them I was handsome and telling me they were single. My co-teacher is great. His name is Mr Bung (they call muslims bung here for short??). Walking out of our first meeting all he could say was, 'haha oh handsome, you should say handsome! haha' interesting response to 'How do you say your name again?'.

The students are everywhere. In a town this small it's the equivalent of being famous. It's a little unnerving at times, and I think Lit cops a lot of looks as well as Mr Dan's girlfriend. The school is 1,700 large, Christian by name, Buhdist by population. Myself and 2 other non-native english speaking teachers are the first falang to ever work there, and join the other 27 foreigners in Trang province, so you can imagine. The students aren't too bad, there is a lot of respect. They bring so much food to the staff room, I dont have to buy lunch. The misbehavers are few, but listen after I call them to do some work on the board. Unfortunately only half the classes have fans, the others are concrete cells with large windows and wooden chairs. A little tough when there are 50+ in the class.

It is a small town. There is a great park with a 2km running track aroud it. Some of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen. Lots of birds, green grassy river banks, and plenty of students that call out your name as you run past.

Bloody Vegetarians

2004-11-07T13:43:00.000+07:00

If the street stall had a yellow sign, it was vegetarian. For this week anyhow, there were more than just monks abstaining from the heavily meat based Thai dishes. It was the Vegetarian Festival, popular in Southern Thailand, predominantley Phuket. But it wasn't the veggies that makes this blog, it's the blood and gore that accompanied them. My festival knowledge isnt the best, but parades of vegetarian Thais were out there protecting the town. Embodiments of numerous gods demonstrating there powers to scare off evil spirits.

After the Central Festival Department store 'representatives' marched came the other worldly embodiments. Mostly through the cheek were knives, arm size drill bits, push bike frames, motorbike forks and mags, and any other obscure item that could fit through a gaping hole in the cheek of a man in touch with a god. Oh I forgot to mention the full length flag pole with an apple on the end. Each tortured Thai had 4-5 helpers lubricating the gash with water and disenfectant and a rag to clean the spittle. Amongst the gaping cheeks were holy tongues. Tongues with opened umbrellas, skewers, knives, trying to achieve the same purpose as the others. Next came the energetic sacrifices. Young boys slashing the tongues with axes, old men smashing their backs with a super spikey ball and chain. More commercial 'supporters' followed then the chinese dragon and firecrackers.

It is a Chinese festival, everyone wears white and marches through the town from the temple. Other events include climbing razor ladders, swallowing and walking on hot coals and more self mutilation. I think there is some sort of herbal drink involved too. The festival continues for a week, with marches most mornings, and lots of Thais still eating meat. It's an amazing festival, not for the weak stomached. The possessed don't feel the pain, but they wear the scars afterwards.

I will have photos on my webshots page sometime soon.

Floods, politics & food

2004-10-10T15:12:00.000+07:00

I might as well be living in England. On the first day of rain we were a little wet but thankful for the coolness. On the second day I learnt umbrellas only keep the rain off your head. I also learnt those dodgy looking power lines are dodgy! The first two explosions were impressive from a distance, the third one got me acquainted with local tailor as he pulled me inside away from the 3rd explosion above where my head was.

On the third day we hired a scooter, got drenched trying to find a poncho but eventually dried wandering aimlessly around a department store. 30km/hr, it was dark and raining on the head home. Coming down the mountain we witnessed the remains of some massive landslides and in town we witnessed where all that rain ends up. Everything but a few fancy restaurants was closed, and with good reason. Those annual floods had started. People had told me that before some irrigation work 10 years ago, Bangkok was known as the Venice of the East with people paddling down the main roads. There were no boats here, but our feet, as well as the sidewalks were submerged driving the scooter through town. With all this rain my first English class has been postponed, I was to be teaching an insurance company.

Thai Headlines:

National counter corruption committee rescinded their self-appointed pay rise if pursuing lawyers would just drop the issue. (Oh the Irony)

Thaksin Shinawat (PM) receives the ‘international forgiveness award’ but human rights advocate wants it returned after 2,000 killings in the war against drugs campaign and his quote that he will be the "prince of hell" for the war on drugs.

One article struck me as a touch more far-sighted. A recent talk between Thaksin and the Malaysian PM on the violence on the shared border discussed possible solutions. Instead of what might be expected in Aus – "alcoholism, bludgers, Muslim fundamentalists, Terrorism" they cited poverty and how relieving this will hopefully resolve the tension (a bit better then just blowing them all up).
Whether this happens is of course a new story, but at least they talk the talk - sometimes.

Ok excuse my political ravings – but hey they’re kinda funny.

Next my food rant:
As I sit here snacking on young pickled grapes after dipping them in a sugar/chilli dip, I will try to explain how to eat conical seashells. They came in a spicy southern curry (lots of turmeric). Spoon them out onto your rice. Every shell should have the pointy end smashed off. Now this is where it gets fun. You have to suck the sea snail from the pointy end to create an airtight seal. Next you grab a deep breath and whisp it out the natural opening, mindful of it creating another airtight seal in your throat. They’re a little like oysters, but with all that curry flavour….

Oh speaking of food, I also ate the best Gelati in the world right here in Phuket – yes it was good enough to write home about ;)

First News

2004-09-30T15:08:00.000+07:00

It’s been a couple of weeks and it’s not going to badly at all. Bangkok is looking like somewhere we won’t have to be for quite some time – woohoo to that.
Well we have found a nice enough room for the moment. Swimming pool, hot water, close to the TEFL course, and they refresh the room everyday (that includes 2 bottles of water). Not bad for 7500bhat a month ($265).

Climbing, been there, going back. It’s monsoon but the cliffs dry quickly so we found a bungalow on Railay and had 3 days climbing and eating fresh seafood. I am amazed at how hard it rains here, but even more we could go climbing on dry rock 1 hour afterwards. Clocked up a few easier routes – nothing above grade 20 – at as many crags possible. There are some inspiring views. Exposed (at any difficulty) with a view that almost stops you climbing. Yet to find myself on some harder grades.

Well back to Phuket. I’ve started the course it’s not too bad. We do 4 days a week, that leaves us a 3-day weekend – perfect. I cashed travellers cheques only to find myself after closing opening up a new bank account with the ‘new guy’. Oh well, I guess I needed one anyway.

Our teacher is an interesting chap. Let’s slip his opinions occasionally ("She quite smart for a Thai person")("Don’t know about these Muslims"). He has an encyclopaedic knowledge about schools and prices throughout Asia and the Middle East, as well as an obsession with making "serious cash". I wonder why he is in Thailand then? He knows what teaching here is about though… minimising your work and maximising your drinking and gambling – not to different to Aus after all.

As for some Thai culture: Father’s at childbirth, who says they don’t suffer? I have evidence, a country full. A child’s nickname is given at birth, something short.
Kii – Going to the Toilet
Moo – Pig
Owun – Fat
Pork – the sounds of a nail hit by a hammer, Pok! Pok! Pok!
The teacher recommends that we use their real names in this situation – Lit says it’s their name, tough cookies, they should be proud ;)
Interesting though, for the guys owun isn’t such an insult. Traditionally being fat is a sign of wealth (look at the Chinese Buddha). On the other hand, that’s not what the latest Vogue magazine portrays. There’s a similar balance when it comes to respect and age. Pii is a precursor to someone’s name that is older or of higher status than yourself. But who wants to be old? Careful!

For any of you prospective teachers – I’ve been getting the low down. Apparently Taiwan is the place! Korean’s don’t like crew cuts, Japan is expensive, Libya, Oman, Saudi all pay "serious cash" (and I do mean serious – some of the figures are unbelievable) however, Bergers are required for the woman, even Cambodia can be exploited for this cash thing. All countries however, have low teaching hours "you’re barely working".